Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
