Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
