I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
