Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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