She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
