If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
