I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
