I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
