Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
