How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
bring money and cleavage
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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