dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
