she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
