i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
