Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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