Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
