she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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