Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
