she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
