when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
