The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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