Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
