Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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