i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
