You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
