There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
