Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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