I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
