did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
