check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
