I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
