? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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