My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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