saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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