a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
