Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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