when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
