Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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