I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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