he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
