Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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