If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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