Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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