omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
