You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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