just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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