as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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