I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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