put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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