so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
