I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
