there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found the puke drawer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
